We are losing our ability to listen, therefore, we are losing our ability to understand.
I speak with people for a living. I'm not a telemarketer, I'm a publisher, and between the authors, the radio show hosts, upcoming guests, readers, customers, bookstores, distributors, printers, and personal friends and family ... there are days when I spend a total of 8 hours on the phone. What I am about to tell you comes from my direct experience in communicating with people in-depth, on a wide range of topics, over the period of many years.
I have observed a behavior in humanity that is rapidly on the rise around the world, and I call it: Obsessive Compulsive Interruption Disorder. (OCID) And this behavior will be the last straw in the decay of modern society.
(In writing this, I am in no way being sarcastic, this is deadly serious.)
When I first began to notice this behavior, I thought it was just me, as I admit that being interrupted happens to be a 'pet peeve' of mine. But as I began to notice the frequency at which this was occurring, I began to see this was much more than just something I find annoying ... it was actually rendering conversation void and destroying the very the point of communication: to transfer understanding. Because without OUR ability to listen, even the greatest of teachers are just wasting their breath, and the more talking we do, the less understanding is actually transfered.
Ever have someone ask you a question that requires a full paragraph of information for you to accurately explain, and before you can even finish your first sentence, they ask you two more questions? This is OCID.
Ever spoken with someone who constantly asks you to repeat what you just said, and as you begin repeating it for them, they respond before you can even finish repeating it. This is OCID.
Ever seen two people yelling at each other on TV? Both talking at the exact same time, talking over one another, and since neither will let the other talk ... you can't understand a single word either of them are saying? This is OCID.
I'd like to point out that I'm not referring to situations when two people are excited about a topic and during the course of conversation happen to talk over one another, or interrupt from time to time. I'm talking about a behavior that occurs obsessively, 9 out of 10 times ... with 9 out of 10 people, on a daily basis.
Those with OCID do not suffer from it, those around them do. I have close friends and family with this disease. I was even married to the Queen of OCID. (I think she actually holds the patent on it) But imagine for a moment how maddening it would be if someone were to punch you in the nose mid sentence? And when you say, "Hey, please don't punch me in the nose while I'm t-------" BAM, they did it again. This is how I feel around those with OCID, only it's much worse, because they are punching me in the mind, rather than in the nose. But let's side step the annoyance of it all and focus on the long term effects that OCID will have on humanity.
Remember that story about The Tower of Babel ... how God got pissed off at man's attempt to reach heaven via his own devices, and to thwart his efforts, confounded all human language and made it impossible for humans to {co}operate? Well, I think OCID is another step in the direction of human beings becoming completely unable to communicate with one another, even in the same language.
And I don't think this condition came from God. I think it's a behavior we've been taught by 30 second commercial spots that have dwindled our attention spans down to the degree where we can't even allow someone to finish their sentence, because, really ... most people just don't care to understand, they're merely waiting for their chance to say something next. This is OCID.
This is the making of perfect slaves.
Once the audience has lost the ability to listen, it matters not what any speaker has to say. And this will be the long term effect of OCID on human beings.
9 comments:
It has to come from wherever mulit-tasking originated. Also, we must consider how we are in this day and age, with a good majority of people communicating by way of one-line stories and posts instead of one-on-one and face to face like it used to be. The english language has suffered with conversation becoming reduced to ttyl's and @replies. What do you expect. We're in the digital age man ...sometimes difficult to go back into the analog of discussion. And oh I have another window loading now -must go. ttfn
Soooooo true, and thank you for commenting.
It is so encouraging to me to see this topic discussed so coherently. It is a problem that I have noticed and been appalled by for several years. It is EVERYWHERE - even where on would think that the level of intellect and conversation would preclude it. I think that the inability to allow another to finish a thought, express an entire idea, to LISTEN, has already begun to destroy our society and our language.
Thank you. You have put this so aptly. I have been annoyed by this also. But I have been guilty of this. This is something that I have and still am working on.
This is not a recent phenomenon. I noticed this years ago at my job. You'd be talking to someone, like your boss, for example, and somebody would come along and butt right in. No 'excuse me,' just push me aside and butt in and talk to the other person on whatever 'needs' they have. Usually, I said something because it was so rude.I've come to the conclusion people interrupt like that because they feel what they have to say is so much more important than anything another person could say. It's total ignorance.
My other pet peeve related to this (my term for it is the "cocktail party flee",)is when someone is standing there, the conversation pauses and the person just walks off as if you ceased to exist - no comment, no acknowledgment from them.
At interruption, I'm a star. Interrupting is a subcultural way to communicate rapport - indicating that you ARE listening. When it began to get out of hand, "cured" myself of interrupting by carrying around notepaper to write what I wanted to say, so I wouldn't forget it while the person was talking. Found this note-taking helped avoid a state of "Zone-Out" when watching TV.
The other "cure" is to match current rate of speech, and then slow down your rate of speech - but this may be regarded by many as coercive.
Have also noticed that in groups, men will interrupt women, especially if she is regarded as a challenge. Women "allow" it by stopping what they are saying. This happens even in a situation where everyone has a certain amount of time to talk! So - interruption can be a power-play.
So - the other solution is merely to not "allow" the other person to interrupt by continuing to speak as if they hadn't. People are certainly capable of hearing both sentences, pretty much.
Hey - maybe what is evolving is a convention where it is OK for people to talk simultaneously? I know people who enjoy listening to a talk show while the TV is on... ;o)
Hello, I came across this article because I was looking for any psychological explanations of this phenomenon. I am a psychologist in Greece and I met an elderly woman who is probably the epitome of what we discuss here. She won't allow one to finish more than 20% of a phrase. I'm using percentages here because I feel that our wise self makes constantly a rough judgement about whether the speaker has completed an intended meaning or not. Franis made a nice synopsis on the subject highlighting many important aspects such as attention seeking and domination in a social context. Nevertheless, I support the idea that OCID (nice!!!) is a symptom that primarily stems from existential anxiety. Westerners, and soon, Easterners, are flooded by interesting stimuli that in the end are confounding agents on the road to find a solid existential course. This creates a great amount of anxiety that accumulates in subconscious storage. Our talking brain (the left hemisphere) has no immediate access to this storage areas. However, the pressure is felt by it. Consequently, the compulsiveness in talking, acts in essence as a relief valve for this underlying pressure. The left brain usually chooses to talk whether there is an actual need for it or not. It's the way that it comforts itself. Of course we re talking about an inefficient way of dealing with anxiety that is a by-product of left-hemispheric dominance...
Haris Iasonas - Thank you so much for your comment, I appreciate your point of view. It's good to hear from a psychologist who sees this ... rather than just a poet writing about being annoyed by it. ;-)
Of course if someone talks too much and doesn't listen to anyone else, you may have to interrupt them to have your say. I know many compulsive talkers..
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